I’m Fine… But Actually: Talking to Your Adult Kids About Help—On Your Terms

For many seniors, asking for help from adult children can be uncomfortable — even awkward. Maybe you don’t want to seem like you’re struggling. Maybe you see how busy they are with careers and their own families. Or perhaps, deep down, you fear becoming “a burden.”

You’re not alone. Many older adults quietly wrestle with daily challenges, all while keeping their worries to themselves. But here’s the truth: Open communication can strengthen your family bond, prevent small issues from becoming big ones, and ensure you get the support you deserve — on your terms.

If you’re unsure how to start the conversation with your adult children, here are some insights and strategies to help.

First, Acknowledge Why It Feels Hard

It’s perfectly normal to hesitate before sharing personal challenges. Common reasons seniors hold back include:

• Pride or embarrassment: You’ve managed your life for decades — it’s not easy to admit you need assistance.

• Not wanting to add stress: You see how hectic their lives are and don’t want to “pile on.”

• Fear of losing independence: Asking for help might feel like opening the door to decisions being made for you.

Recognizing these feelings is the first step. From there, you can approach the conversation with clarity and confidence.

Decide What You Actually Need (and Want)

Before reaching out to your children, reflect on what kind of help you’re open to, and what boundaries you’d like to maintain. Are you looking for:

• Occasional help around the house?

• Assistance with transportation or errands?

• Advice on financial/estate planning, healthcare, home maintenance or safety?

• Just someone to check in regularly?

When you’re specific, your children can better understand how to support you without overstepping.

Tips for Starting the Conversation

1. Pick a Good Time

   Choose a moment when they’re less likely to be rushed or distracted — maybe during a quiet weekend, a family gathering, or over a casual meal.

2. Be Honest and Direct

   Try saying something like: “I’ve been thinking a lot about the future and how I want to keep living comfortably in my home. I’m starting to notice a few things getting harder, and I wanted to share that with you.”

3. Emphasize Your Independence

   Reassure them that you’re not asking them to take over, but rather to partner with you in planning ahead.

4. Ask for Input, Not Control

“I’d love your thoughts on what services or options might be out there. I don’t need an answer right away. I just want to start the conversation.”

If You Don’t Want Their Help — That’s Okay Too

You might prefer to work with professionals or outside services instead of relying on family. That’s entirely valid. What matters is ensuring your needs are met, whether through family involvement or vetted resources.

If that’s the case, you can still:

• Keep them informed, so they’re aware of your plans and can step in if needed.

• Set boundaries, letting them know when (or if) you’ll ask for assistance. “I’ve got things covered for now, but I promise to reach out if I need anything.”

Remember: It’s About Partnership, Not Dependency

Your adult children likely want to help but they may not know how, or they may hesitate to interfere. By opening the door to conversation, you give them permission to engage in a way that respects your independence. And sometimes, just knowing that help is available — whether you tap into it now or later — can provide peace of mind for both you and your family.

Asking for help doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you proactive. Whether you choose to engage your adult children, seek outside support, or a mix of both, the important thing is ensuring you feel secure, comfortable, and respected as your needs evolve.

You’ve supported others all your life... you deserve the same in return.